Autumn and the ovarian cyst

Autumn and the ovarian cyst

This post is going to be very difficult to write, but I feel like it’s something I need to do. I have written a short version of this story as a guest post for Rachel Bustin‘s New Mums Series about how it’s never too early to trust your instincts as a mum, but I’m going to go into more detail here. To begin with, repeating this story felt like it hurt me deeper and deeper each time. However, I’ve now had to repeat it so many times that I think it’s now getting easier each time and possibly helping me to heal and come to terms with what happened. Perhaps one day, someone else will read this who is going through the same or a similar situation (thankfully, this is EXTREMELY rare) and can live in hope knowing it gets better.

***Warning: This post is emotional and may be a trigger to some***

Autumn was two weeks old near the beginning of October 2016. Dave had gone into town and I remember sitting in bed breastfeeding Autumn, gazing down at her feeling so proud and in love, feeling like she was almost too good to be true.

That evening, I was breastfeeding her while watching TV. Suddenly, as soon as she’d finished feeding (I hadn’t even had time to put her on my shoulder to burp her), she projectile vomited. “Ooh, someone was greedy!” I said, but already, something in my mind was telling me perhaps something wasn’t quite right. She’d looked shocked and it was projectile, unlike when babies are sick normally.

The next feed around midnight, the same thing happened and she threw up everywhere again. The same happened with the next feed around 3am and the next around 6am. By now I absolutely knew something wasn’t right and I as soon as the doctors opened, I made an appointment to go and see our GP. We didn’t see him until about 11am and when he did his checks everything seemed fine – her temperature was ok, her breathing was fine and her tummy felt soft. He told us to just continue monitoring her, keep her hydrated and call 111 if we got concerned and said that maybe she just had some sort of bug.

Within an hour of being home, she was hungry so I breastfed her again. She threw that up and it was slightly yellow in colour; I panicked slightly and called 111. Within 15 minutes, paramedics were at our home and checking her out. They did the same checks as the doctor and told us they were fine. However, they did speak to the doctor and made another appointment for us to see him around 5pm.

At 4.30pm, we thought we’d change Autumn’s nappy before we went to see the doctor. Unusually for her at that age, she’d just had wet nappies all day, but this one was a dirty one. Its contents were foul smelling, black and liquid. Something was clearly very wrong. I took a photo of it on my phone to show the doctor. When he called us through, he did the same checks as before and said everything seemed fine. Then I showed him the picture of her nappy. His expression changed and he told us to sit in the waiting room for a few minutes. When he came into the waiting room he was holding a letter; he’d been on the telephone to the local hospital and spoken to one of their paediatric doctors who asked us to come straight in.

When we got there, we had to sit in a room for ages before we got given a room to sit in. Autumn was screaming because she was hungry, but I didn’t know what tests they were going to have to do or if I was allowed to feed her. In the end, she was crying so much that I got Dave to pull the blinds down in the room and I breastfed her. A doctor came in after a little while and spoke to us, I’m not sure what exactly it was all about now, everything that happened afterwards has blurred it in my memory. One thing I know was that they wanted to have a measurement of what she was being fed, so I had to express, which I’d never done before. A lovely nurse brought a pump in and showed me what to do. As Autumn had been barely feeding all day, it was a great relief and I managed to fill an entire bottle, which impressed one of the nurses. When Autumn was hungry next, we were waiting to see another doctor, so we went out and asked the nurses at the desk whether we were allowed to feed her. We were, so we got the bottle of milk and tried to feed her. She didn’t want to take the bottle, we both tried. So we got another nurse, who was lovely, and she sat with Autumn and got her to drink it all. “See, it just takes a little persuasion”, she said. She didn’t throw it up straight away and the nurse left the room. No sooner had she got to the desk, Autumn threw it all straight back up over Dave.

Autumn had to have a lumbar puncture and other tests and I could hear her screaming down the corridor. It was one of the most awful things I’ve ever heard. I was just laying on the bed on my side in a high state of anxiety, crying and praying that I was going to wake up and it was all just going to be a bad dream. “Was she full term?” people kept asking. “Yes, she was”, I replied, “she’s been perfectly healthy and everyone’s been perfectly happy with her until now”. She was kept under close watch over night and initially not allowed to eat anything. She was crying because she was hungry, so they gave her a pink dummy which she became very attached to. However, by the following morning they had started giving her small feeds which she was managing to keep down without bringing it back up, although her nappies were just the same. They were happy enough for her to move into the normal children’s ward, saying perhaps it was just a bug that she had.

16357197_10155060200127474_957810473_o

Later that day she had an ultrasound which found that she had a mass just above her right hip that was about 4.5cm squared. They didn’t know what it was attached to, what it was filled with (gas or air), or if it was significant to her being unwell – the only thing they could reassure us about was that it wasn’t cancer. They’d be doing a further scan on Monday, but as it was the weekend nobody could do it that day. We continued with me expressing milk and her having small amounts of it without vomiting, but still having awful nappies until the following afternoon. I noticed that she’d been making grunting noises for about 5 minutes. “Maybe she’s just straining to do a poo”, my husband says, “she does that”. “I know, but this has been going on continually for 5 minutes – it’s every breath, listen”, I replied. My instincts were screaming at me that something was wrong. I asked, no, demanded, that my husband go and get the nurse. She came in and listened to it. “Hmm…okay, I’m just going to go and get a doctor”, she said. When the doctor came in, he listened and found that her temperature was high, her heart rate was high, her oxygenation levels were lower than they should be – basically she had a temperature and was struggling to breathe. I knew my instincts were right!

Autumn was moved back to intensive care, where she was monitored and they continued with the antibiotics and anti-reflux treatment they’d been using since the day before. That night, things were no better, so we were told we were going to be transferred to a hospital in London. I hated seeing her on that stretcher, I felt so helpless watching her. I kissed her little head, knowing she was so ill, worrying that it was the last time I was going to see her little eyes looking back up at me, her Mummy. We watched the ambulance go off in the distance, blue lights flashing.

We got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital and when we got to the paediatric intensive care unit there, it was during the morning switch-over. I slumped on the floor, helpless, not knowing what was going on. A kind lady helped us over to the parents’ quarters and then called us into where Autumn was to meet our nurse for the day. Autumn was doing much better – she hadn’t been struggling to breathe since somewhere between hospitals, although her temperature was still high. They did further scans and confirmed the same things, also unable to tell us of any significance. I hated seeing the cannulas in her hands and feet, they kept having to redo it, making her scream in pain each time as she kept wiggling the feet ones out. Eventually, they just couldn’t use any of the veins in her hands or feet and had to use a vein in her head. They asked for my permission. I said yes, I had to of course. It had to be done to help her get better, but I felt awful. After hearing her screaming after the cannulas in the first hospital, I made sure I kept well away for these cannulas being done – and the second lumbar puncture they did.

Over the next couple of days, Autumn’s nappies went back to normal and she was able to start taking feeds directly from me again. We were transferred onto a normal children’s ward for a couple of days while they did more scans and got results. They said they didn’t want to operate on a baby so small, which I completely understood. There was still confusion over whether the cyst had made her ill or whether it was just a coincidence that it was found and the illness had just been some strange virus. We were discharged but invited back for another scan two weeks later.

When the sonographer started doing her ultrasound, I was watching the screen as he looked at things. He looked puzzled when he was scanning above her right hip. Then he scanned over to the left – and there it was, on the opposite side. I was confused too. I looked at that cyst on the screen with such anger. “You evil, horrible, nasty thing”, I thought, “how dare you be inside my beautiful baby girl”.

We spent the weekend not knowing whether we were going to be going in on Monday for surgery or not – it depended on the results of the scan whether they wanted to operate then or leave it until she was bigger. On the Sunday, we had a lovely afternoon picking pumpkins with my parents at the pick your own pumpkin farm with Autumn dressed as a little pumpkin, (she looked so cute!), but when we got home there was a message on the answering machine asking us to call the hospital. Dave spoke to the doctor, they did want to operate on her the next day.

The next morning, we packed our bags and went. The poor little thing was grumpy as she was hungry – she wasn’t allowed to have milk any later than 7.30am and we had to give her water to keep her well hydrated before her operation in the afternoon. They still didn’t know what it was attached to and told us that if it was attached to her bowel the recovery would be a lot longer. All sorts of awful things could happen and in cutting it from the side of the bowel they would have to repair the hole they’d made in the bowel. If it was attached to an ovary it be better. They told us they’d have to do keyhole surgery to have a look around first and depending on what they found they may be able to do keyhole surgery or it may have to be open surgery.

When it was time for the operation, we went into the room with her. I held her hand as they put the mask on her to anaesthetise her and felt awful as she cried – I think she was scared and didn’t like the smell of it. After we left the theatre so that they could investigate and start operating, I felt helpless, I didn’t know what to do and time seemed to move so slowly. I just constantly wondered what was happening. After what seemed like forever, the buzzer finally went and we could go to see her back in the paediatric intensive care unit.

She was on morphine and sucking a dummy that had cherry flavoured sugar syrup on it and seemed dozy but fairly content when we arrived. We gave her some milk and she drank it, not much, but some. She seemed more concerned with sleeping. A doctor came over to give us a quick overview before we saw the surgical consultant with more information. “They removed the ovary”, she started. “WHAT?!” I thought, “they’ve taken out one of my little girl’s ovaries?!” All sorts of things ran through my mind…”Why? I wish you’d asked my permission first! Is she going to have periods every other month? Is this going to have an effect on her fertility?” A mother shouldn’t have to worry about her daughter’s fertility at 5 weeks old, but there I was. Fortunately, it shouldn’t have any effect on any of this.

It turned out that the cyst had been mobile, which was why it had moved sides between scans. It was so mobile in fact, that they’d watched it move from side to side just by pressing on her tummy. It had wrapped itself around one of the ovaries and killed it off – that’s why they had to remove one of her ovaries as well as the cyst. I didn’t mind so much that they’d taken it out once I’d found out it was already dead. They now think that the cyst wrapping itself around the ovary and killing it caused a stress response within her body mimicking sepsis, which explains the symptoms she exhibited in the local hospital and the symptoms I’d noticed before our admission.

Autumn recovered very well and very quickly, bearing in mind the fact she’d just had open surgery. I could barely take watching the process though. For the first day and a half she kept crying in pain. I knew it was pain. I’m her Mum, I have that instinct and I knew it was a cry I didn’t recognise as needing a nappy change or milk. Sometimes when she cried in pain, her whole little face scrunched up in agony. It was awful.

We were transferred onto a normal ward once they were happy she was responding to the morphine well and happy with her heart rate and oxygenation levels. However, I kept noticing she was in pain and I got cross when she was due a dose of Calpol and they left it longer than they could have done. The first evening, I could tell she was still in pain and I had to ask the nurses if she could have morphine again. The nurse got a doctor in and they decided she could have some more morphine. She had that dose and another a few hours later in the early hours of the morning, then after that she seemed okay with just Calpol. The next afternoon we were finally allowed to go home.

I am full of praise for all the doctors, nurses and surgeons who looked after Autumn. What would we do without our NHS? Yes, waiting times for scans and things are slow – but they’re under pressure and I am confident that everyone who looked after her was doing their absolute best.

I am also so thankful for all the support we had from our family, friends and church. We had family visiting us almost every day we were at the hospitals, bringing us food and clothing. The curate from our church visited us at the hospital and we had a whole network of local churches praying for Autumn. Friends kept sharing us messages of love and support and asking after us all. We even received lovely gifts of cuddly toys and a card for Autumn from friends who live a couple of doors along from my parents. I have been working on a blog post talking about the severe anxiety I suffered as a result of everything that happened, but all the wonderful support we received from people is the reason Dave and I got through it as well as we did and I’m so grateful.

I’m pleased to say that Autumn is now a thriving four month old and you’d never know she’d had the start she had unless you saw her scar. We had a check up at the hospital a couple of weeks ago. The lab results came back saying that the cyst was benign and as such she’s been discharged from their care and needs no further follow ups. Here’s us at the hospital after receiving the happy news that we didn’t need to come back:

16357714_10155060190767474_1181603680_o.jpg

Have you gone through a similar experience? I’d love to hear from you!

Run Jump Scrap!
Mummy Times Two
Like this post? Please visit me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Youtube and Google+

56 Comments

  1. ohmummymia
    4th February 2017 / 3:04 pm

    oh I’m so happy that it’s OK now after the hard time she had. It’s really sad when little babies need to have some surgery etc I hope now she will be healthy little girl without any problems
    #ThatFridayLinky

    • 4th February 2017 / 3:41 pm

      Thank you, it was heartbreaking but hopefully she’ll be fine now. Thanks for visiting 🙂

    • 10th August 2017 / 11:01 pm

      I can completely relate to this 100%. My little one has been in hospital many times for numerous things and that feeling of helplessness and fear never goes away. Your little girl is so lucky to have you and I’m so happy she’s okay now. May she continue to be healthy. You’re extremely strong for getting through this and being able to write about it xx

  2. 4th February 2017 / 8:41 pm

    I remember when all this was going down and, as the mother of a baby not much older than Autumn, it was awful to think of all that was happening to her and how terrified you and Dave must have been. I said it at the time and I maintain it; Autumn is a very special little baby to have all of that happen to her at such an age and a true credit to you and Dave, as you all are to one another. I cannot imagine, despite having a baby myself, how worried/frightened/upset/etc you have been feeling during those weeks and the stress! And I am so pleased Autumn is so well now. You’d have thought, having all that happen to her, that she might be a couple of weeks behind other babies her age but she’s doing tremendously and doesn’t seem to behind at all! She’ll be walking before mine, you wait 😉

    • 4th February 2017 / 9:27 pm

      Thank you <3 I know, she's an absolutely amazing little girl – I'm so proud of her 🙂 Hehe you never know, still, they all do things ar their own pace 🙂

  3. diynige
    4th February 2017 / 9:37 pm

    I’m so happy for you that everything is ok what a tough time Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

  4. 5th February 2017 / 10:15 am

    This must have been hard to write, at some point I’ll eventually blog about Chase’s birth – but it’s still too difficult to do almost 7 years on, although I feel that’s likely due to the ongoing situation caused by his birth.

    So pleased she’s ok now though and it’s all been sorted x

    • 5th February 2017 / 11:05 am

      It was difficult, but I found it somewhat therapeutic. Perhaps you’d find the same writing about Chase’s birth? Of course, we have some closure with Autumn now, so it may well be easier for me to write about than it would be for you.
      Thanks, me too – I’m so relieved 🙂 x

  5. 5th February 2017 / 2:13 pm

    This post was so hard to read so goodness knows how hard it must have been to write. Reliving it. What an awful frightening time. I’m so pleased she has recovered well. There is so much to be said for mother’s instinct. #blogstravaganza

    • 5th February 2017 / 4:02 pm

      Thank you – I think writing about it helped in a way, although I found it really hard. There really is, even at 2 weeks old it was there. Thank you and thanks for commenting 🙂

  6. 5th February 2017 / 7:10 pm

    That sounds so scary and just horrible. I’m so glad she is ok and it was benign. I think writing about difficult experiences can be a good thing for yourself. #blogstravaganza

    • 5th February 2017 / 7:18 pm

      It was the scariest and most awful few weeks of my life. I definitely agree – it feels good to have it all out in the open. Thanks for commenting 🙂

  7. 5th February 2017 / 7:43 pm

    Oh my that must have been so worrying for you. I can only imagine what you were going through. I’m so glad she’s better now. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

  8. 6th February 2017 / 12:57 pm

    This post brought me to tears, you have so much strength. I can’t tell you how happy I am that your daughter is now a healthy and happy little girl, may it stay that way for many moons to come! Thanks so much for linking up to #Blogstravaganza xx

    • 6th February 2017 / 2:29 pm

      Thank you so much 🙂 I’m not that strong – I pretty much had an anxiety meltdown (I’ll be blogging about it later this week), but I stayed strong enough for her when it mattered and I think that’s what counts 🙂
      Thank you for commenting xx

  9. Pingback: My breastfeeding journey – Autumn's Mummy
  10. 7th February 2017 / 12:20 pm

    Wow, that made me so emotional. Poor little Autumn. I’m so glad she’s better now. #DreamTeam

    • 7th February 2017 / 12:31 pm

      Thank you and thanks for your comment 🙂 xx

  11. 9th February 2017 / 4:03 pm

    Goodness, what a lot for you all to go through. I am so glad to hear Autumn is well now. My husband has suffered with bad health, and that’s hard, but so hard when it’s your baby girl. I felt very teary reading this. So great that you had all those people praying for you. I really believe in the Power of Prayer it certainly has made a big difference to us. Thank you for sharing this story. Xx

  12. 9th February 2017 / 4:08 pm

    Goodness, what a lot you have all been through. I’m so glad to hear Autumn is well now. This brought a tear to my eye as I was reading. Prayer is powerful. My Husband suffers with Crohns and has been in and out of hospital. We have a wonderful support from our church family and it never ceases to amaze me how Prayer helps. Thank you for sharing our story. Xxx

    • 9th February 2017 / 6:26 pm

      Thank you. Crohn’s disease is awful, I have a friend who suffers with it. It is wonderful how everyone gathers together and prays, isn’t it 🙂 Thanks for your comment xxx

  13. Pingback: 10 Reasons why I love my husband – Autumn's Mummy
  14. 11th February 2017 / 1:22 pm

    Oh my goodness I was reading this almost holding my breath. I cannot even begin to imagine how scary this must have been for you and Autumn to go through, I’m so pleased to read that she is ok, scary times. Lots of love, hope she continues to thrive and thanks for linking up to the #bestandworst

    • 11th February 2017 / 1:30 pm

      Thank you Helen, I can’t even describe how awful it was or my relief that she seems to be okay now. Thank you and thanks for commenting xx

  15. 11th February 2017 / 11:53 pm

    Oh my goodness, how absolutely terrifying. This is something you just never even think of happening to a baby so young, isn’t it?! What a good job you had the presence of mind to take the photo of the poo, or else they could so easily have sent you away saying it was just a bug. Bless you both, I’m so glad that Autumn is doing well now – what a wonderful and strong Mummy she has. Thanks for joining us at #sundaybest, hope to see you again tomorrow x

  16. 12th February 2017 / 12:46 pm

    Oh my goodness what a thing to endure so young! I’m so glad the operation went well and she is now thriving. Thank you for linking up to #sundaybest x

  17. 12th February 2017 / 10:50 pm

    My heart was in my mouth reading this. I can’t even begin to imagine how terrible it must have been to see your little one go through such challenging times at such a young and helpless age. I’m so very pleased that you have been able to celebrate such good news and that you can now put it all behind you. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us at #DreamTeam x

  18. 19th February 2017 / 10:07 pm

    I felt physically sick reading your post. My daughter fell ill at 3 weeks and we had a rough week in hospital. She too was vomiting after every feed and had a cannula. It brought it all back to me. Glad to hear your little one is better. Charley is now nearly 18mths and a chunky money but i still feel physically sick when i think about it. Thanks for linking up to #Postsfromtheheart

    • 19th February 2017 / 11:36 pm

      How awful, I’m so sorry to hear that. What was wrong with your little one? I’m glad to hear she’s doing well.
      Thank you for commenting xx

  19. 20th February 2017 / 1:06 pm

    We too have been through some newborn stage scares and it is so hard on mommy. She is so beautiful momma!
    #postsfromtheheart

    • 20th February 2017 / 10:42 pm

      It’s very difficult, especially when you’re such a ball of hormones and not feeling great! Thank you for commenting x

  20. 20th February 2017 / 8:50 pm

    Oh gosh that sounds completely terrifying! It’s awful how to start with you can be palmed off as it being ‘normal’ isn’t it? It makes it so hard to know the next time when something actually IS normal. Poor Autumn, she’s definitely been through the wars but thank goodness they were able to remove it before it caused more damage or made her sicker. Like you, I can’t praise the NHS enough. Great post x

    • 20th February 2017 / 10:59 pm

      It is scary – my instincts were just telling me that something was seriously wrong, but I didn’t know what. Thank you and thanks for commenting xx

    • 8th March 2017 / 6:47 pm

      Sorry 🙁 It was a very difficult time and incredibly difficult to write about 🙁 Thank you for commenting xx

  21. Louise Dutton
    4th May 2017 / 10:18 am

    This must have been an amazingly hard post to write, but thank you for sharing. I am glad she is all better now. I read a similar blog post of a mothers instinct that her newborn wasn’t well, http://paleowithmrsp.com/mothers-instinct/ I was reminded of it when reading your story and thought you might like to have a look.
    Never stop trusting your instinct.

  22. 10th July 2017 / 6:17 pm

    I’m so sorry you and your beautiful daughter had to go through that. So traumatic! It’s awful seeing your child so sick and being so helpless. Really glad you had good care and support, and that she is doing well 🙂 #postsfromtheheart

  23. 17th July 2017 / 12:14 am

    What a horrid experience for you and yes , not quite the same story but Charley was taken very ill at 3 weeks and we had a spell in Intensive care too. Im glad to know Autumn is better now and luckily Charley made a full recovery too ( touch wood ) #postsfromtheheart
    Becci – The UnNatural Mother recently posted…So What’s Your Backup Plan ?My Profile

    • Autumn's Mummy
      18th July 2017 / 12:21 pm

      I’m so glad Charley’s better. It’s horrendous having to go through seeing such a tiny person so poorly. #postsfromtheheart

  24. 18th July 2017 / 12:47 am

    Oh my gosh, I had tears in my eyes reading this. What a horrible ordeal for you to have to go through. And poor little Autumn having surgery at such a young age. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to write this. But it is so wonderful to hear that Autumn has been discharged and you don’t have to go back to the hospital. Thank heavens for the NHS indeed. Hugs Lucy xxxx #PostsFromTheHeart
    Mrs H recently posted…A day out at Dover Castle with the Quinny Zapp Flex PlusMy Profile

    • Autumn's Mummy
      18th July 2017 / 12:20 pm

      Thank you xxx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge