I don’t know about you, but the weeks seem to be going quicker and quicker as lockdown continues. Perhaps it’s where lockdown life is becoming the ‘new normal’. That said, something happened over the last week that surprised me.
As someone who is prone to anxiety and suffers from health anxiety, I was concerned about how I would respond to the current situation. In a way, I think my mind was perhaps more comfortable than most to begin with. After all, I’m so used to dealing with worst case scenarios in my head, it was almost like my brain was equipped to deal with the coronavirus pandemic. After getting through the first couple of weeks of the lockdown with nowhere near the level of anxiety I expected, I was pleased. I thought the first two weeks would probably be the worst for me.
Oddly, as we moved into the 4th week my anxiety intensified. I think part of this was due to finding out that one of my favourite colleagues is in hospital. Unfortunately he’s on a ventilator in an induced coma. This was the first time coronavirus had hit me this close to home. I worry about others a lot and I found my chest feeling tight. Of course, this was down to anxiety about him. However, for a couple of days, I convinced myself that my painful chest was down to me catching coronavirus.
I also saw my Dad briefly last Monday, through the window. On his way to work he dropped off some Easter goodies to us. Although my family have been video calling, physically seeing him really upset me. I actually had a bit of a cry, my first during lockdown. I think it’s because he was just the other side of the window I wanted to just go out and give him a hug, but of course I couldn’t. He (as well as some of my other close relatives) is a key worker, so that also worries me. Perhaps I’d been pushing my feelings aside for a few weeks and hadn’t realised it? Anyway, my emotions were already high when I found out about my colleague the following day, which I think contributed to my anxiety.
Getting through it
Fortunately, I managed to get through the other side of my anxiety. I watched a rubbish film on Netflix to help me relax. Then I gave myself a good talking to, arguing against myself. I hope anxiety doesn’t rear its ugly head again any time soon.
Anxiety aside, we had a pretty chilled out week. It was the second week of the Easter break, so we didn’t do any more homeschooling. Of course, we spent lots of time eating Easter eggs! I also got a lot of sorting out done. I finally got around to sorting out the clothes in my wardrobe. The drawers underneath the bed got sorted out, random junk around the house found a place and I sorted out the books on my bookshelf. I also put some board games we haven’t been reaching for outside. I made a sign inviting people to take one on their daily walk to play at home later.
We had to spend most of the week calling Autumn “Elsa”. Yes, she loves Frozen! Naturally, I was Anna and Dave was Olaf. If anyone was addressed by their real name, Autumn was very put out. The day I started feeling a little less anxious, I decided to give Autumn an Elsa makeover. She absolutely loved it. I managed to do a tiny plait in her hair and we put her blue dress and tiara on. I painted her nails and even put a tiny bit of lilac eyeshadow and pink lipstick on her. She was over the moon!
Our butterflies emerged from our chrysalises too, so we released them into the wild on Sunday. I hope they’re doing okay out there. I think Autumn is disappointed they haven’t been back to visit us!