Collaborative Post¦ There’s a silence that hangs in the room after someone dies. It’s thick, uncomfortable, and strange. If your friend is grieving, it can feel like you’re standing outside a world you don’t know how to enter.
Source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-woman-comforting-upset-friend-6382656/
When we see pain, especially grief, we want to fix it. To lighten it. To say something comforting. But mourning doesn’t need a fixer—it needs a witness. Someone willing to sit in the mess without needing to clean it up.
If you’re wondering how to support a friend in loss, here it is. No grand gestures. No poetry. Just show up—and keep showing up when everyone else fades away because that’s when it really truly matters, and that’s when it will make the world’s difference.
Just Be There
Let’s start with the hardest part. Most people get demotivated after the first week or two. Work and daily life get busy, and we think everything calms down. But with the grieving person? That’s typically when it gets even worse.
The shock abates, and the texts end. The house is empty. And they’re left in a room with nothing but memories remaining.
This is your cue. This is where you check in—without the “Let me know if you need anything,” but with something real. Like
- I’m going shopping. Do you want me to pick up anything?
- I’ve made extra soup, and I’ll bring some over later.
- “Would you like me to come over and just be with you? We don’t have to talk.”
Don’t wait to be asked in. Grievers pull back. So the best thing you can do is just show up anyway.
Don’t Be Concerned With Saying the “Right Thing”
This one matters. So many don’t call because they don’t want to get it wrong. But silence cuts so much deeper than fumbled words.
You don’t need to make a speech. You don’t need to embellish on it. A simple “I’m sorry that this happened” or “I’m here, always” would be enough.
Steer clear of the stereotypical platitudes that downplay sorrow
- At least they don’t hurt anymore.
- They lived a good life
- Time heals all wounds
They might have the best motives but can fail to deliver. Stay with the truth: “This is awful. I’m here.” And be here in reality.
Provide Tangible Aid Instead of Generic Support
It’s so simple to offer to say, “Let me know if you need anything.” But nobody ever accepts that offer. Not because they don’t appreciate the offer—but because they don’t actually know what they need. Or they feel uncomfortable asking. Or they just don’t have the energy to bother figuring it out.
So eliminate that guesswork. Give concrete, helpful assistance. Such as
- Preparing a couple of freezer meals
- Picking up children from school
- Doing a grocery run
- Taking their dog for a walk
- Organizing paperwork or doing the dishes
- Sitting with them when they have difficult calls or call insurance
And yes, sometimes it’s heavier than that—like helping with meals, babysitting their kids, or checking into funeral services. The little things look gigantic when a person is drowning in grief. You don’t have to do everything. Do anything.
Accept The Emotion And The Silence
Humans cry when they’re grieving. Sometimes, a lot. Sometimes unexpectedly. And your job isn’t to cheer them up or dry their tears. It’s just to be there.
If your friend freezes in the middle of a story or goes silent in the middle of lunch, let that be so. Don’t be so quick to fill in the silence or change the subject. Sit with them in it.
You would be surprised at how reassuring it is to know that somebody can deal with your sadness without attempting to eliminate it.
Don’t Disappear When Situations Get Awkward
Grief is weird. One day, they might be fine, and the next day, utterly undone. They might cancel plans, forget to get back to texts, or be distant. It’s not personal—it’s grief.
Stick around anyway. Keep asking them to go out, even if they reject you five times in succession. Keep texting them, even if they don’t get back to you. Just knowing that somebody still cares can be the lifeline they need.
And if they get snappy or curt with you? Don’t take it personally. Emotions run wild when a person’s heart breaks. Grace will go a long way.
Be Considerate In The Long Term
One of the most important things you can do is to remember.
Mark anniversaries, birthdays, or important dates related to the person they lost on your calendar. Write a message when that day comes—even a brief one such as, “Thinking about you today.” It will be worth much more to them than you can imagine.
You can also create space for their narrative. Allow your friend to speak about the person who died, particularly months after others have ceased inquiring. People don’t want to be forgotten about by the ones they love. Speaking their name aloud can be therapeutic.
Keep Checking In, Even When Things Look “Better”
Grief has no timeline. The fact that a person might look fine doesn’t mean they are fine.
Some of the most intense hurt appears months after a loss—when life should be “back to normal.” That’s when individuals begin to feel overlooked.
A random check-in can turn the day around. “Hi, you were on my mind today.” “Just wanted to tell you I love you.” It doesn’t have to be much. Just normal.
Grief Is Not To Be Fixed.
You don’t need to have grand gestures or poetic words. You just need to be there—consistently, quietly, without judgment. Your friend may not be in a position to thank you in the immediate moment. But one day, when the fog starts to clear a little bit, they’ll remember who sat with them in the dark when everything else felt dark except the light of that one friend who stayed, pitched up, and never left their side..
And that kind of love? That’s what endures.
Cover photo by Pramod Tiwari: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-of-couple-holding-hands-14841769/